Sunday, August 17, 2008

Ummmm...

I've put off posting for the last couple of days. Not just because we've been insanely busy, but also because it has been a rough couple of days. Bryan's dad passed away a year ago Friday. Why would I write that on my calendar? I suppose in some attempt to keep his memory alive. A day to reflect. Remember. Bryan, always being the one to totally ignore schedules with a refusal to plan ahead (unless it's about work), never looks at that calendar. He didn't know. And, I didn't have the heart to tell him. Meanwhile, those words on that page stared sadly back at me all day. Bryan was reminded later that night when his step-mom called. I knew who it was...what it was about...the second I glanced at the caller ID. Much like that very same day a year earlier.

It was a typically insane, yet at the same time, completely mundane morning of a deployed soldier's wife. Then the phone rang, and it was Bryan's step-mom's number flashing on the call screen. 8 am her time. Before I even clicked the talk button, I knew what was coming. Before I even heard the sobbing on the other end of the line, I knew. Nobody from that side of the family called that early in the morning unless something was wrong. Very wrong.

Bryan was gone to Afghanistan. How do you tell your spouse, over the phone, half a world away, that their father just died? I don't remember what I said. I spent most of the day praying that The Red Cross would get the message to him before he called home that day. No such luck. I had to tell him, and all that I do remember is that it was a feeling that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

I've never had someone close to me pass away suddenly. Sure, I've had grandparents die. But they were old, and quite ill before the passed on. Rick was so young and full of life. He was one of the funniest people I had ever met. You never think that someone can be taken from you so suddenly. You never think that someone you know would be completely paralyzed after such a tragic accident. You. really. never. think. it. could. happen. to. you. But, it does. And, it was the biggest kick-in-the-butt reminder of how very precious life is, and how it can all be over in the blink of an eye.
I made this LO with the August Label Tulip kit.

I took that picture on the day of Rick's funeral. While everyone was arriving at the church, I slipped outside. I don't deal well with raw emotion. Unless you are an extremely close friend, my husband, one of my kids...the tears, the all-consuming sadness...it makes me uncomfortable. Even when it comes from another family member. I had to get outside for some fresh air. I took pictures of the church. A beautiful cross they had built in a stream with flowers flowing every which way. Then, I looked down at the ground, snapped that photo, collected myself and went back inside. That photo will forever remind me of that day. I still miss Rick...every day. I will always remember him fondly.

In case you were interested, here are the rest of my LO's for August. I'm not particularly jazzed about them. In fact, I feel like they are some of my most unimpressive creations to date. I've just been really lacking the mojo lately.



You can view the rest of the mini-book here.

Here's my LO for this week's sketch challenge at Lotus Paperie.

And, here's the sketch we worked from:

Be sure to check it out, and post your own creation to win some cool goodies!

And, my first LO for the Say It In Scrap gig. Our challenge was to create something inspired by the catch-phrase, "Oh no she didn't!"


Well, since this has turned into just about the longest post in the history of my blog, I will cut it short without a weekend run-down. We'll do that tomorrow because I have some exciting news to share. ;0) TTFN!

22 comments:

Ginajam said...

Such lovely layouts...i have no idea what you're talking about when you say you weren't feeling any mojo!! They're great!! You're great!! It's all good!! I love exciting news...can't wait to find out :-)

~just me said...

well i really like the "mama's boy" & "oh no she didn't" ones, i think they are very cute. but i understand what its like to lose your mojo, let me know if you find yours, mine is gone as well, maybe they ran off together? sorry you had a rough weekend. i thought that might have been this weekend cause i knew we were coming up on a year since you came to visit. sigh. sucky weekend all around.

hope tomorrow is better, can't wait to hear the news =0)
~k

Amy said...

I am sorry for your loss Holly. I'm sure it took more strength than you thought you had to share that with us. As I was reading your post I had all these things I wanted to say in this comment, because I understand every ounce of what you are feeling, but as I sit here so many memories are flying through my head that I can't remember the things I wanted to say. I have been told by everyone that it gets easier with time, but I never really believed it until I realized, at this last anniversary of my mother's death, that 5 years had gone by. It truly does get easier as time passes but you never forget anything. Not the date. Not the memories. I look at my daughter and see my mother. It helps me cope for I know that she is still with me living every new experience. It's a cheesy thing to say but I truly believe that if you keep them alive in your heart they are always with you. They help you to be strong at times like these. Sorry really deep comment post but these things always strike a nerve in me that just gets me going, and going. Hug your family close and take care of yourself. -Amy

scrappermimi said...

I am so sorry for your loss...the annniversaries can be so tough.

My father passed when I was in college and it is still tough it is coming up next week. One of life's little surprises though is that one of my neices was born the same day so we now have good thoughts for that day too.

Your LO's are just beautiful.

Joy said...

:) Beautiful layouts, Holly! I'm sorry about your weekend, but thank you for sharing with us, you're in my prayers today.

Melonie said...

SO sorry you had a rough weekend and I can't imagine what it must have been like for you telling Bryan. (((HUGS))) to everyone.

LOVE the new LO's!!

Mom said...

holly. i'm sorry but you are CRAZY.
all of your layouts are AMAZING as usual!!!!

i love the faith layout so much.

i hope you have a good week dear.

xx
jill

Dana said...

sometimes sadness makes us a bit more introspective.. it seems to be helping create some amazing art work from you lately. I hope you are the sunnier side of life soon :)

Dina said...

It's good to remember those we've lost...it keeps them alive in our hearts. Hugs, love your pages.

Callista said...

Holly, I am sorry for your loss. It will be 9 years next month since my dad passed away. I still miss him and when excting things happen I wish he were here so I could tell him. It was also my husbands first experience with someone close to him dying, we had only been married 11 months.
At least you are still scrapping even with what you consider your loss of mojo... I am having a hard time getting anything out at all. I love the layouts, you are soo creative even if you think you lost your mojo!

Aimee said...

i am in love with your new layouts. esp. the one about your FIL. so touching, raw, wonderful. thanks for sharing :)

laverneboese said...

oh big hugs to you...hoping your spirits are lifted really soon. now about your layouts and lack of mojo? Your layouts are amazing! I love your work. I'm off to go check out the rest of your mini book :) have a better day...

Kylie B said...

I really don't understand why you dontlike themthey are fantastic!

Hanging out to hear the news!

Mel G said...

Big hugs to you Holly. Praying that you and your family find strength and peace during this difficult time. Hang in there girl. Can't wait to hear about your exciting news, and thanks for sharing your layouts!! Love the mini book!

danilouwho said...

beautiful beautiful beautiful stuff!

I don't deal well at funerals and things like that as well - taking a picture is probably exactly what I would do actually too....

can't wait to hear the news!

danijohnston.typepad.com/dj

Michelle said...

You've had some incredibly difficult times in your life that have made you so strong. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with such a tragic loss but I really feel that you did your best. I'm sorry for your loss. Sending hugs to you and your family.

Loved seeing all your los. I think you are being hard on yourself. I adore that mini of what your family did this summer. Those colors are perfect. I hardly think your mojo is hiding. You are being to hard on yourself.

KhrisW said...

Rick must have been a wonderful man.... I'm very sorry about your family's loss.

Your layouts are fantastic, Holly. Don't worry about your mojo....

So, what's the news?

Staci Compher said...

seen your layouts on twopeas...really beautiful layouts....and the page with your feet at the funeral...amazing...and I know what you mean about the "year" and "time"...I lost my husband unexpectedly...last october..and am a little anxious of the year coming up....but like you said you really learn how precious life is.....thanks for sharing your pages!!

Gigi said...

oh sweetie i'm so sorry you are hurting...but i know you know that it is a testament to how freaking fantastic a man rick was...he is probably smiling a mile up there in the clouds beaming that his legacy is living on :)

& holly...please tell me you are linking your "faith" layout to this week's onelittleword...it is phenomenal...mojo or not...it is art & what art is all about

xoxo
+ some extra hugs :)

gigi

Beth Perry said...

I LOVE YOUR FAITH LO. Thank you for sharing that touching story.

B

Marie said...

Awwwww. I know those times are hard. I go thru it with ronnies mom's passing. She was the most wonderful person i had ever met.

I love the pages they are awesome you really kicked ass on them!

Lynn said...

Gorgeous layouts! I LOVE what you did with the word FAITH!

Lynn
OLW