Tuesday, January 22, 2008

A little help from my friends...

Anyone still out there? I am. And, I'm back. Well, sort of. We'll be taking this slowly, but surely. I realized that crafting/scrapbooking is my release. It's hard to let it go. Why should I care what anybody else thinks of my work? I shouldn't. For those of you that find inspiration here, I'm glad. I will definitely be back with some more. For those of you that don't, just move along...there's nothing to see here. I also realized that I have made some great online friends through blogging over the last several months. I am really blessed to have this little circle where we can all share our creativity. And, I'm thankful for you all, and all of your support. I finally got up, got out of my funk, and got busy with some Valentine stuff. I'll be sharing that later.

Even though it has only been a couple of weeks, things are starting to get better with my daughter. Daycare and cheerleading are starting soon. Yay! A break for mom. A MUCH needed break for mom. While I was sitting in the doctor's office with Hazel the other day, the doctor (rather brashly) says, "Honestly, I don't understand why you women can't just ask for help." At the time, I took great offense to that comment. After all, I am "Super Mom"! Right, right? WRONG!!!

A couple of days later, I found myself in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack...pains in the left arm, crushing chest pain...the works. Thank, God, it was just a severe anxiety attack. But, I digress...as I was sitting in the waiting room WITH my 2 kids, I looked around at all of the other sick mothers who had dragged their kids along for the ride too. Probably for the same reason I did. Because I refuse to ask for help! And, because I don't know that many people here. And, the people that I DO know...well, I feel bad asking them for help. Most of the time, the "help" is accompanied by a major helping of guilt-trip. But, none of those kids, mine included, had any business being in that ER with their sick mothers. Not only because they could get sick with all of the yuckiness floating around there, and (for once) the mother should really be concerned with herself...not worrying about screaming, needy children. And, MOST OF ALL because...how scary is that for a child to see their parent in that much pain, and being that scared? The ONLY parent that they have right at that moment. Probably pretty damn scary!

I came home, and rested for the next couple of days. While I was resting, I came upon a blog from a fellow military wife. Military wives and mothers are a breed all their own. We are single parents for all points and purposes. But, most single moms live where they have the support of family and friends. Most military wives are moved around, unwillingly, from place to place...frequently finding that they know nobody when they really need someone the most. Most single moms have to work, which also, in turn, provides time away from their children. Most military wives are SAHM's that are stuck with their children day in and day out, constantly trying to come up with the next best activity to do that will prevent an utter melt-down. To that end, here is the excerpt from Kelly Wright's blog. Pay attention all you military wives out there...and all of you that have friends who are military wives...

Please don’t be fooled and marvel at how well I’m handling the deployment. We might look good on the outside, but there are plenty of trials and tears just inside the door that I don’t want to burden you with.

Please don’t just keep me in your prayers. Take an additional 30 seconds and write me a short note, too.

Please don’t wait for me to ask for help. I won’t. I’m a stubborn Army wife who thinks I can handle everything by myself. Except, I can’t.

Please don’t ask what I need. I’m likely to tell you, “Nothing, we’re fine.”

Please don’t accept that as an answer if you do ask. There are lots of things I need, I’m just too proud to admit it.

Please don’t just sit and wonder what you can do to help. Brainstorm for one minute about what a single mom worried about her husband might need and try any one of those things. Or read on.

Please don’t call between 5 and 8 p.m. unless you’re coming over to help. Trying to feed, bathe and bed the kid(s) is a two- to three- hour process.

Please don’t just wave as I pass your house trying to walk my two dogs and the stroller in the cold wind. Ask if you can walk my dogs for me — or with me — some time.

Please don’t say the time has flown since my husband left. It hasn’t, and the days are actually getting longer now that we’re past the half-way point.

Please don’t grouse to your spouse about my Christmas lights still being up nearly a month after Christmas. Knock on my door and ask if you can take them down and put them away for me.

Please don’t assume I eat three square meals a day. Actually, I don’t eat three square meals a week. Make a double batch next time you’re cooking for your family and drop one by my place. Don’t cook? Bring a bottle of wine.

Please don’t invite me over or out for dinner. You don’t want to deal with my toddler at meal time, I promise. Offer to baby-sit for one hour so I can take an uninterrupted hot shower, get a hair cut or go to the gym.

Please don’t think I don’t want to go out to dinner. It is hard to remember the last time I had a quiet, uninterrupted night out with other adults.

Please don’t forget our birthdays, anniversaries or other special occasions. The one who usually celebrates with us is gone, so many of these days pass like they were any other.

Please don’t feel responsible for helping me with everything. Just do one thing, every once in a while. If you’re really inclined, recruit a friend or family member to do something else.

Please don’t underestimate how helpful you can be. Even a kind word or a hug would be great.

Please don’t be offended if I don’t thank you properly. Anyone who does anything for my family is a hero in my eyes. I feel guilty that I needed the help in the first place. I can’t thank you enough.

And, with that, I will end this mile-long blog post. And, as soon as I get some pictures, I will post up some of my Valentine projects. Thanks to all of you wonderful girls who have left me comments, or taken the time to send me a personal e-mail. It means a lot. And, I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH.

8 comments:

♥♥♥ jen o'dea street ♥♥♥ said...

hi holly..glad you are back when you can! i soo missed ya! did u get my emails? wondering cause people seem to be not getting them again...and i wanted to send you some stuff...

brilliant post from that other army wife. you know its sad cause even wives w/ no kids are hurting & too proud to ask for friendship etc...you know how hard of a time i had...so while i wasnt a mom, i could relate to your pain/sadness etc. i'm glad things seem to be improving & i hope it keeps getting better. while i am thinking of it...can you post when all your special occasions are so your cyber friends can send you things? ur bday, anniversary, luka & hazel's bdays etc?

again i wish i was closer so i could babysit & take you out sometimes...know i totally would. cards & prezzies will just have to do for now...lol. i'll have to email you something else i was thinking of for you 2. ok this is super long so i will stop now...but hang in there girl. i'm always here for you...i'll send you my cell# 2. i've always had extreme anxiety attacks so i know how scared & in pain you were...@ least i can be there to listen...

xoxox lub ya! jen

Zoe said...

holly, i hope you got my email. i have been having problems with my server and just discovered a ton of emails i sent never went out. i'm so glad that things are looking up for you at least a bit. even though i'm not a military mom/spouse your message really hit home for me. as you know i am dealing with alot here and this week suddenly found things to be worse than we thought. people have offered help but i never want to take them up on it. i mean what do i ask them to do? i know i need to though...thanks for reminding me. take care...

Anonymous said...

Ok first of all welcome back! We missed you (even those of us who don't blog ourselves). Visiting your blog and seeing a new post always brightens my day lil miss creative!

2nd I'm gonna butt in here and post some of the special days, although I don't have them all. Luka's b-day is coming up on Jan 29th. Holly's was Dec 26th & Miss Hazel's is in March but I can't seem to remember the exact date soo I'll have to get that one myself!

Sorry Holly, hope you don't mind, please feel free to delete this if you don't want them posted, but I am taking some initiative after reading your blog!

Love you!
~k

shelley said...

so so so glad you are here and reaching out. i know it's hard to do. even harder for you. do you think i could ge tin contact with your friend who put that on her blog? i'd like to ask permission to post it on my onw. i have two friends who's husbands are deployed currently - and so much of that hit hom. me NOT being a military wife - has no IDEA what i can do to help. now i have a list. i WILL put it to use. and if you feel comfortable - please send me your snail mail addy. hugs to you girl. take care.

Somebody's Nobody said...

I love your post and have e-mailed your list to many people. Thank you for bringing it to light. Though I don't have a husband deployed, I have been in your position living somewhere, knowing no one, my family 10 hours away, and feeling abandoned. Ugh. I read your blog often and enjoy seeing what's up.

Marie said...

Girl I am not a military mom but I feel like a single mom most of the time. I am with my kids 24/7 my hubby dont do a damn thing lol! My kids (4) can drive me nuts and sadly with my hubby I feel like I have 5. I dont live near family and really my family doesnt like to help me anyway. Im so in the same boat as you. I know nobody here. SUCKS! When I am sick mommy still has to cook clean and take care of kids. Its not fair. BLAH ok sorry had to vent. I just feel your pain ok! LOL! Im so glad you are back. I was soooo sad. But I had a feeling u would be back because I seen you on the poppy board and thought with that poppy kit she is gonna have to create and she is gonna have to post it i just know it lol!

Michelle said...

So glad you're back holly!! And hugs!! I can't imagine doin what you do everyday...you are amazing, girl..and I would totally bring you cookies and help you walk your dogs if I lived close...=)

danilouwho said...

So glad you're back blogging! I missed your posts!